Short answer: Instead of “How was class?” or “Did you have fun?”, ask specific questions that help your child remember what they learned, how they felt, and how they handled challenges. You will get better answers than “fine” and you will support their confidence, focus, and life skills.
As parents, we want to know what actually happened in class. We ask, “How was it?” and “Did you have fun?” and often get the same answer every time:
“Good.”
“Yeah.”
That does not tell you much about what your child is learning on the mats.
At Straight Blast Gym Calgary, a big part of our kids Jiu Jitsu program in Calgary and Growing Gorillas® life skills curriculum is helping children reflect on their own effort, choices, and progress. The drive home is a great place to do that, but only if we ask better questions.
Here are fifteen questions you can use as an alternative to “How was class?”
You do not need all of them every time. Pick one or two on the way home and see what comes out.
Before you start: a quick mindset for parents
Short answer: Ask with curiosity, listen more than you talk, and avoid turning the ride home into a test.
A few guidelines:
- You are not quizzing them to see if they “paid attention.”
- You are giving them a chance to tell their story.
- One or two good questions is plenty. Ten questions in a row feels like an interview.
If your child does not feel like talking on a particular day, that is normal. You can try again another time.
Questions about what they learned
These questions help your child recall skills and details from class.
1. What is one new move or detail you learned today?
This keeps the focus on learning rather than winning or losing. “We learned how to trap the arm in mount” is a better conversation starter than “We did sparring.”
2. If you had to teach me one thing from class, what would you show me first?
Teaching something back, even in words, helps lock it into memory. It also lets you see what stood out most.
3. What position did you spend the most time in today: top, bottom, or guard?
This question helps them think about positions, not just techniques. Over time, they will start to notice patterns.
4. Did your coach say anything today that stuck with you?
Sometimes a single cue or idea from a coach lands in a big way. This question invites them to share that.
Questions about effort and challenge
These questions encourage your child to notice their own effort and how they handled hard moments.
5. Where did you feel the most proud of yourself in class?
This shifts the focus from “Was I good?” to “What did I do that I feel good about?”
6. Was there a moment that felt tricky or frustrating? What did you do about it?
Jiu Jitsu has built in frustration. That is not a bad thing. Asking how they responded to it builds resilience.
7. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much did you challenge yourself today? What would make it a 10 next time?
This invites them to set their own standard. You can gently encourage without judgement.
8. Was there a moment where you stayed calm, even when it was hard?
We teach children in our programs to breathe, think, and move instead of panicking. This helps them notice when they did that.
Questions about teammates and relationships
These questions reinforce that Jiu Jitsu is a team effort, not a solo sport.
9. Who did you train with today, and what did you notice about their Jiu Jitsu?
This gets them thinking about their partners’ skills and effort, not just their own.
10. Did you help anyone today, or did anyone help you with a move?
We want kids to see themselves as part of a positive training room where everyone shares and learns.
11. Did you tap anyone or have to tap today? What did you learn from that round?
Tapping in Jiu Jitsu is normal and healthy. This question normalises it and connects it to learning.
12. What was your favourite moment with a teammate today?
It might be a fist bump, a joke during warmups, or a shared success. All of that builds community.
Questions that connect to life skills
These questions link the mat to school, home, and life outside the gym. If you would like a deeper dive on this, here is how Brazilian Jiu Jitsu helps kids build confidence and life skills in Calgary.
13. Did you use any of your life skills from Jiu Jitsu today, like focus, listening, or self control?
We use the Growing Gorillas® curriculum to weave focus, effort, teamwork, and self-control into every class. Here are the top life skills your child will learn in BJJ.
14. What is one thing you want to get better at before the next class?
This starts a simple goal-setting habit. It can be as small as “remembering to keep my hands up” or “listening the first time.”
15. If someone new joined your class next week, what advice would you give them?
This lets your child step into a leadership role in their own mind: “I would tell them not to worry about tapping,” or “I would show them how to shrimp.”
How to use these questions without overdoing it
You do not need to print this list and work through it in order. Instead:
- Pick one question on the way to class and one on the way home.
- Repeat your favourites. Children often give deeper answers the second or third time.
- When they give a short answer, you can gently follow up with “Tell me more” or “What do you mean by that?”
If they really do not feel like talking, respect that and come back to it another day. The goal is to keep the door open, not to force a long conversation every single time.
Why this matters for confidence, not just Jiu Jitsu
When you ask better questions, you help your child:
- Remember what they learned
- Recognise their own effort and progress
- See themselves as capable of handling hard things
- Understand that Jiu Jitsu is about learning and support, not just “winning”
Over time, that carries into school, friendships, and how they handle challenges in everyday life. If bullying is one of your main concerns, I also put together a detailed Calgary parents’ guide on how Jiu Jitsu can help with bullying.
At Straight Blast Gym Calgary, we want parents to feel like partners in that process, not just drivers dropping kids off at the door.
Want to see how we teach these skills on the mats
If you would like to see how our kids Jiu Jitsu classes work in person, the easiest way is to come in for a free introductory lesson.
- Book a free intro: https://sbgcalgary.com/intro/
- See class times: https://sbgcalgary.com/#schedule
- Call us: (587) 742-2022
- Location: near Marlborough Mall in Calgary
You can watch a class, see how we coach, and then try a few of these questions on the drive home.